I'm still alive and kicking! It's been a busy 2012 so far, but a productive one as well:)

On Single Parenting...

Richmond Rose said (in response to a post on one of my favorite sites: The trials and tribulations of the average unwed black mother do not apply to Nia. I am in agreement, but I must note my understanding of the other comments regarding unwed parenting. I’m not sure that I would go quite as far as stating that unwed parenting has done as much destruction to the Black American community as slavery, but it has been all kinds of hellish-destructive in its own way.

I am saying this as an unwed mother, as an educated individual, and as one of the lucky remaining members of the "middle class" (which simply means that I can pay my mortgage, car note, student loans, utility bills, buy groceries and still have a little left over to give to my parents each month – all without child support): unwed parenting should be discouraged, and I am primarily concerned about my community, so I will say that unwed parenting should be firmly discouraged in the Black American community.

Putting aside for a moment the financial issues, single parenting is simply not an ideal way to raise a young person - not ideal for the youth, and not ideal for either of the parents. Young people need the constant (read: day-to-day and night-to-night) love, support, involvement, conditioning, discipline, the presence and the very smell of both of their parents, in order have the best possible chance to fully develop into their best selves. Dad needs mom to help him parent well; Mom needs dad to help her parent well. Parenting in the most ideal conditions is perhaps the most difficult (and enduringly so) undertakings of one’s life – it should NOT be done alone – it is NOT designed to be done alone.

I am the first to acknowledge the many, many, many instances and examples of super-fantastic, dedicated and devoted, educated and involved women and men who have raised awesome children as single parents (I am one of them!0. But trust and believe, if I had it to do over again, and if I am asked by my son, or my nieces, or my Girl Scouts, or a member of my youth group, or some random stranger on the street – I DO NOT HESITATE to tell them what I have learned over 15 very hard and long years – don’t make it harder than it has to be!

Seek and find a man or woman who is committed, who is like-minded, who shares your financial expectations, who is willing to build a future. And when you find them, date them, court them, engage with them, marry them, and have a child and raise a family with them. Single parenting happens (sometimes because of tragedy, sometimes because of poor decision making, sometimes because life just happens and you have to keep living or die trying) but in my very honest and humble opinion, single parenting should not be glamorized as an equally suitable option to parenting as a married couple.

Stepping down off my soap box now – sorry for the long post, but this is very close to my mission in life.

"Save Troy Davis"

“Save Troy Davis”

At 11:08 last night, a young man from our community was murdered for a murder. No weapon was found, no conclusive evidence of his guilt, and 7 out of 9 witnesses eventually recanted or changed their story. There was too much doubt. But the sentence was handed down, the death warrant was signed, his fate was sealed, and his family (like the family of the police officer he was convicted of killing) is feeling what I cannot imagine.

But if the words of the “I Am Troy Davis” campaign ring true, then we can save “Troy Davis”. On your way to work, drive by any random bus stop in our community; you are likely to see “Troy Davis”. He or she may have identification that bears a different name, but look closely and you will see “Troy Davis”. Because a death warrant has surely been signed for a frighteningly significant percentage of our youth, and our future. The kids who grow up in violent homes, who attend poorly managed schools, who live in economically depressed communities, and who consume spirit-stealing propaganda about the material worth of their lives. Their case has been tried, but there is too much doubt. Their sentence has been handed down, but there is too much doubt. Their death warrant has been signed, but there is too much doubt.

Please be advised: the date has not been set for them, and you and I – we can save “Troy Davis”. We can’t change everything but we damn sure can change some things. Let this not be the end of your righteous indignation, rather the beginning. Let this encourage you to CHANGE THE THINGS YOU CAN.

You be the mentor and change things. You be the court advocate for youth and change things. You attend school board meetings and change things. You be a shoulder or an ear for a single parent and change things. You hold your local politicians accountable and change things. You live a life of example and change things. Make a commitment to regularly sacrifice a little of your time, talent and treasure and you change things. “Save Troy Davis.”

Peace,
Naj

The Tourist - or Soul on Fire

My son and I watched the Tourist last night, and despite the lack-luster reviews it received, we both agreed the show was worth viewing (we are both biased Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie fans, so take our opinion with a grain of Salt - haha, pun intended!). This is not a movie review, but a line from the movie got me to thinking about power struggles and ‘class warfare’.

In the Tourist, one of the secondary characters is Reginald Shaw; a gangster that had $2.3 billion stolen from him by his ex-accountant (Depp). Shaw has done many 'bad bad things' including brutal murders, in order to obtain his wealth and power. During a scene in which he explains why it is so important that he get back the $2.3 billion, Shaw reveals the reason is because he paid for that money with his soul.

And therein lies the truth. There is a big difference between those who worked hard to get what they have, and those who sold their souls to get what they have. It is usually the latter group that fights the hardest and longest (and dirtiest) against any change in the status quo that would see their wealth and power diminish. And can you blame them really?

Hard work may cost a man in terms of time, sweat, tears, and years...but not his soul. A soul is the ultimate price, and once a man pays with that particular currency, losing the merchandise it purchased is not an option.

"One man's back-down is another MAN's graciousness"

...or more aptly put, a pissing contest is a waste of time and piss when you already know who the biggest dick is.

Tell Your Own Story!

I'm re-posting my response to a post on one of my favorite blogs, Michelle Obama Watch.

"Sometimes (and I would say more often times than not) you just need to TELL YOUR OWN STORY. That is the thing I find most encouraging about the world wide web and this 'people-powered-media' movement. It shifts the power of the pen from the hands of a few, to the hands of many. And while I can appreciate comments from folks like Kathy, I am sorry to say that she is in the minority when it comes to telling the real story about the two-and-two Americas - one America on paper, one America in real life; one America for the haves, and one America for the have-nots. It is incumbent upon us all to tell our own story, from our own point of view, with authority and assurance, and without regard for the opinions of those who would (and will) negate our lived-experiences. These folks have been coming to conclusions about us, without us, since the dawn of coming to conclusions. And they will continue to do so. But we can and should share our own conclusions – at the very least there will be something out there to contradict and correct HIStory, and at the most, our stories will change history for the future. TELL YOUR OWN STORY - to your daughters and sons, to your near ones and far ones, and to friends and foes alike. Tell your own story and make them hear you. MAKE THEM HEAR YOU!"

Happy President's Day!

Keep up the good work Mr. President!

There's No Superman - Only You and I

Last month I received an email about the Schott Foundation's report, a detailed 50-state analysis of Black males and the US public school system. I won't go into all the details, thought one point does stand out for note: schools across this country fail over 50% of Black males - but if you are like me, raising a young Black male in America - then you know this stat all too well already.

I strongly encourage any and everyone who cares about young people, about the education system, about the future of this country, to read this report. And then go advocate, advocate, advocate. We can't wait for Superman - he (much like Santa Clause) does not exist. All we have is you and I - but then, that's really all we need. Peace.

The photo is Porter Library - normally the scene of learning and exploration. Last month it was more like a scene from the movie Higher Learning. I am sad, but not surprised, to note that yet another young black male (Mr. Reginald Latson) was profiled as a possible criminal, and as a result, is now dealing with life-altering events courtesy of the justice (just-us?) system. Read here for more information. As I noted on one of my Facebook status updates, the details in the case are conflicting, but what seems clear are the facts that Mr. Latson was NOT armed with ANY weapon, and he is in an AUTISTIC individual who should not be held in a jail/prison general population due to his mental condition. My opinion at this point is that the individual who phoned in this tip, "there is a suspicious black male walking around and he could be carrying a gun" should be held accountable. This call resulted in eight area schools being put on lock-down, a police 'manhunt', and an innocent individual's life being turned upside down. WHEN will people stop assuming that all young Black men are suspicious??? For the love of peace, can we please turn off the stereotypes!!!

I will track this story till its conclusion, and find a way, some way, to help.

Peace, Najmah.

Summertime...

...and the living ain't easy but I'm still blessed. I received an awesome birthday present last week - my dissertation proposal was approved! It's over the hump, through the tunnel, and on to the finish line for me folks. Lord willing, I will be finished by the end of this year. Then, maybe I can make more than one post per month on my blog...

Peace, Naj.

Monthly Blog???

Well, I have made exactly zero posts since last month, and this month is almost gone! I have had a lot to say, but not nearly as much time to say it. Quick update - my prospectus (1st three chapters of the dissertation) is complete and I am scheduled to defend to my committee in June! Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Also, my son is starting a blog (http://www.literallyspeakn.com/) to chronicle his four years at the Governor's School. I can't wait for it to get up and running - he is very excited about it, and I have a feeling that he will update his more regularly than I...

Last Friday I had the pleasure of attending an event, An Evening of Elegance - Celebrating Petersburg's Young Women. This was one of the best evenings I've had in a long time - so inspirational to witness the support and testimony given to the future of womanhood in our community. The photo above is a book that was mentioned during another event celebrating and encouraging youth - it seems to make the most sense when adults who have been there and come through, tell and show young people who are going through similar things. Props to the Health Department, Triangle Center for Development, and all of the other partners and sponsors for doing more than just talk about the high teen pregnancy rate in our city!

Last week, during a meeting at work, I wrote down what will probably become my mantra going forward - "steadfast commitment to learning and self-development is the remedy to entrenchment and stagnation."

Peace, Naj.

He's in!

I know this post is waaaaay late, but my son got into the Governor's School!!! This year of hard work is truly going to pay off handsomely...more soon!

Listen To Your Elders...

Today I received a wonderful nugget of wisdom and encouragement - during a meeting at work of all places! :) I won't go into a great deal of detail (because I ain't got time man!!!) but let's just say I am waiting for the PBS/Award Winning Special on Indigenous People, and I am waiting on the prophesy to fully unfold. My God it is a great and special thing to have elders. Listen to them.

BTW - don't let the fact that I have not posted in over a month lead you to believe that I have been slacking off. On the contrary - I am MOVING. I will post an updated page count on my dissertation by the 15th. Also, I pray to have very good news regarding my son's application to the Governor's school by then.

Peace.

94 pages.

94 pages down. 56 pages to go. Let's get it!

Got me working day and nite!!!

This dissertation has me working day and night - OMG! For the past two weeks, I have been up till the 'wee hours of the morning, making all KINDS of progress on the revisions to my first three chapters. I am so close I can taste it!!! My son is helping me out too - this Thursday I was too tired to read some research that I printed out - so he read it to me! He kept saying, whoa, that is a BIG word:) But he made it through about five pages and it was all I needed! Lord willing ('and the creek don't rise') I will have a polished product to deliver to my Chair this Sunday - and that's tomorrow so I'd better get off this blog and get back to working!
Peace.

Yele Haiti.

"Yele was coined by Wyclef in a song and means "a cry for freedom." The logo means STOP THE VIOLENCE with one hand, PEACE with the other... while the heart is LOVE".

On Tuesday, Haiti, the first black nation to gain independence in 1804 (from France), has devastated by a 7.0 earthquake. Today, the images of destruction and despair dominated the airwaves. Words are insufficient.

I stand in proxy tonight for the mothers who have lost children today, who have no idea how they will provide for their loved ones today, tomorrow, next week. May we all stand in prayer and take action. Please, Yele Haiti.

Peace.

ARGS!!!!

Today my son got an interview letter from the Appomattox Regional Governor's School! He is auditioning for a spot in Literary Arts and I just pray that he gets in. I like k12 and all, but ARGS has so many opportunities for students and I know that he will do very well there. Right now, he is working on his second drafts of two poems, one short story, and a memoir to complete his portfolio. I don't have anything to compare his writing to on an eight-grade level, but I think he is pretty talented. His writings are very creative and amusing. Let's hope that the interview panel sees his potential for greatness!

Speaking of greatness, I met with my Dissertation Chair today and it was so encouraging. She read my first three draft chapters and gave me the best suggestions to make it better. She says that I am on the right track and can finish by summer!!! Look out academia, here I come...

ALGEBRA!

Well, my son is having some difficulties with some of the lessons in Algebra this year (school year). I wonder who ever thought of Algebra, and why??? Do I use this tool in my daily life? No. Believe it or not, the photo above is a a page from an Algebra textbook Kitab al-jam’wal tafriq bi hisab al-Hindi ("Book on Addition and Subtraction after the Method of the Indians"). From what I can tell (and my son would back me up on this I'm sure) the books have not gotten much easier to understand since 750-850AD! It is a good thing I have the answer sheets for my son's classwork, otherwise we would be in BIG trouble...

But I have to believe that there is a good reason it is in the grade curriculum...I guess. For those of you who have 8th graders like me, and particularly for those of you who are home schooling, I know you feel my pain! I am thinking about getting a professional tutor, just to make sure he can pass the SOLs. I called Huntington and would you believe those folks charge $43 an hour!?!? For tutoring! Man, I must be in the wrong business! Now I REALLY wish I was better in Algebra - I could open my own tutoring business AND help my son with his classwork.

Peace.

Music and Mentoring

Tonight, after a very peaceful and productive start to the first workweek in 2010, I have music and mentoring on my mind. To begin with, my sister purchased an iPhone (3G 16GB!) for me during the holidays and I have got to say that I love it. Almost more than shoes. Not only do I have my vast personal music collection (ranging from Tracy Chapman to TI, from Shirley Cesar to Carlos Santana, from Adelle to At Last and back to Sam Cooke...well you get the idea - I LOVE most any kind of good MUSIC) neatly arranged and available at my finger tips...I also have my latest and greatest infatuation - PANDORA (thank the good Lord for the music genome project for giving the world such a gift) everywhere I go. I am listening to the smooth sounds of Sade and others inspired by her genius as I type. I think I might just make it through another year at work after all!

I also have mentoring on the mind. January is national mentoring month and I can't wait to get my girl scout troop back in action - we have been on hiatus since September but we re-grouped in December - just in time to see Princess & the Frog as a group - it was great. And with our First Lady Michelle Obama ("Lady O")as Honorary National President, I have one more great thing to encourage our young ladies...maybe we can arrange a visit to the White House next year (you know it takes that long to get a sponsor and get clearance for all of the girls)...yes, that is exactly what we will do. In the meantime, I am open for great scouting ideas for our troop...and yes we ARE selling cookies so be generous - we want to donate some boxes to our faithful troops over seas and go to Great Wolf Lodge!.

That's all for tonight - peace.

Bonne Anne!

Well! It has been since OCTOBER for my last post. As you can probably imagine, I have been BUSY BUSY BUSY. Updates: K12 still rocks - my son and I are really getting the hang of pseudo-home schooling. I can't tell you how much work it is - but how worth it. My first three chapters of the dissertation are finished - in draft form at least! I am now working on the focus group and survey protocols. I can't WAIT to be finished.

Disney released the Princess and the Frog and it is a HIT in my book - very well done and my son agrees! In one year we have a black Princess on the big screen and a black Queen in the White House - my goodness how the times they are a'changin!

My eight siblings and I have a family retreat last month to close out the year on a HISTORIC note...more coming on that so stay tuned. FAMILY. Live it. Love it.

I am looking forward to each blessed day in 2010 with baited breath and tip-toe anticipation; whatever the Lord has in store for me - IT IS GONNA BE NICE!